Australia: A Retrospective on Candy

It goes without saying Australia tour 09 was one of the best things we have done as a band or individuals. We’ve said it before and we’ll surely say it again. I’m opting to stay away from sentiment, at least temporarily, and talk about all the candy bars Australians have that we don’t, which I tried so I could report back to America with some sound candy advice.

PICNIC:
this is the one that started my quest. my friend matt huff told me to get some of these for him cause he tried them as a kid in australia and loved them. i bought a few to bring home to him and i accidentally ate them. i haven’t told him yet cause i feel bad about it.
anyways, a picnic bar is peanuts, caramel, rice crisps, and wafer in cadbury chocolate. its really chewy, its ugly looking, but it tastes pretty good, which is how its marketed in australia. it used to contain raisins but i didn’t see any such bars in my time there.

BOOST:
this is another one early on in the idea of trying all the bars available. It has some kind of chocolate fudge, maybe whipped chocolate, in the middle, surrounded by cadburry chocolate. its soft, theres nothing really crunchy or exciting about it. there is a variation called “totally nuts” which contains peanuts, but it was also pretty boring. the “boost” is advertised is glucose, which is SUGAR. that is a stupid selling point for a chocolate bar.

TWIRL:
this one is good but easily the most boring. it is twirled chocolate, which is essentially what you get if you had liquid chocolate on a spoon, spun the spoon, and created these strands as they dried, then you cover those chocolate strands with a layer of the same chocolate. it has a lot of air inside it because of the negative space the twirling process makes. this would never work in america.

MARS:
I’m well aware that we have Mars bars in the states, but I never had one, and they are much more popular there than here so I tried one. Its a milky way. The end.

TIMEOUT:
Timeout is a kitkat. Second bar in a row that is the same as something else.

KITKAT CHUNKY:
speaking of kitkats, heres something different called chunky. chad tells me we used to have these but i dont remember ever seeing them and definitely never ate one. its one giant kit kat, instead of the smaller break me off pieces. in addition to the wafers, theres one top layer that is something different. i had one that was cookies and cream, which was just like hershey’s cookie and cream bars, and one that was caramel. the former was too much chocolate for my liking and it was difficult to eat the whole thing. the latter was awesome. i had it in the fridge for a little while too so it was a little chilled.

CHOKITO:
this one was pretty good. simon from to the north told me this is what he used to receive as a prize for doing well in school. its caramel fudge surrounded by crispy something, i think it was rice but i dont remember for sure, then all under chocolate. its similar texture to boost but tastes way better. after eating it, i saw that the expiration date was two months ago. oh well.

Now for the top 3, the above in no particular order:

#3 Kinder BUENO:
I saw ads for this on every bus stop so I figured it was a must-try. I was right. Its light wafers filled with a cream that is hazelnut flavored, all under a light layer of chocolate. its a lot lighter than the other bars because its less of a chocolate bar and more of an adult thing. this was also in the fridge with the kit kat crunchy and it was delicious.

#2 CRUNCHIE (their spelling not mine):
This bar ruled. Its really thick, like the size of the kit kat crunchy, but there is no air inside of it. The texture is similar to a butterfinger, but instead of peanut butter inside, its honey flavored. Its really awesome but its difficult to eat the whole thing; its really dense and the honey gets overwhelming quickly. I would however eat these again and often.

#1 POLLYWAFFLE:
Pollywaffle is a simple bar. The ozzies i was with didn’t like it all that much, but it seemed like an american taste to me. The pollywaffle is a marshmallow filling inside of a thick wafer tube that is covered in chocolate. I really like marshmallow, so this put it close to the top automatically. It tasted similar to a s’more, which I was told is not an australian thing. I’m not sure how because they rule.

I easily could have spent my time and money on something more productive than candy, but as Chad says, “While I’m in Rome…”

-vass